by Joe Carroll
Emotional splinters…I hate it when I get one. They’re so disruptive. It happens when someone says or doessomething that “gets under your skin”.
You want to “get over it” but you can’t. And just like a regular splinter, it irritates you for the rest of the day. The emotions just keep coming back. What do you do?
How to Get Rid of Emotional Splinters
Emotional Splinters are inevitable in relationships. We all experience them. They are like a wound to our soul. They penetrate and disturb our sense of wellbeing. And similar to a regular splinter, an emotional splinter may be a small thing (i.e., a few words, a look, etc.) yet it can create enormous anxiety and distress.
In essence, an emotional splinter attacks and insults my sense of self-worth.
It calls into question my value and my significance as a human being. So, what do we do when we get one? Our normal first reaction when someone offends us is “fight” or “flight”. Our first impulse is to either “lash back” or “leave the relationship” (i.e., avoid them). While this is our natural response, we all know this is the immature and not the high road that Christ has called us to in our relationships.
When I get an emotional splinter, here are few things that help me. I hope it’s helpful to you.
1. Cut Off the Runaway Conversation in our Minds: This is easier said than done. Our inner pain can be incessant when someone “ticks us off”. Rehashing how we’ve been hurt is easily consuming, so being vigilant to not “rehash” scenarios is critical to our mental wellbeing.
2. Don’t Impute Motive: When I feel offended, I can quickly impute motive to another’s words or actions. While some offences are grounded in motives of hurtful intent, as a Christian, I try to remind myself that only one being has the authority to judge another’s motives, and it’s not me!
3. Redirect to Truth: The best way I’ve found to cut off the “rehashing” is to “redirect” to what I know is true about me. Typically, the message I’m interpreting from an emotional splinter is that I’m not “valuable” or “visible”. In other words, it means I’ve felt “dismissed” or “less than” in someone else’s eyes.
So, what truth do I need to redirect to? The truth is that no human being, regardless of their position, has the right to determine my value and worth. Only God has that right. When I allow an emotional splinter to take control of my sense of value and self-worth, I’m allowing another human being to take God’s rightful role in my life.
I believe that many of the Psalms are about David’s emotional splinters, and he had plenty from King Saul. Maybe that’s why in Psalm 16:5 David redirected his self-worth to truth when he stated, “You alone are my portion and my cup. You make my lot secure.” And in verse 8 when he declared, “I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.” (NIV)
May God grant us grace to follow his example.